Frustrum.

(Side note: I keep using and remembering little words that Tom and I had together. Just phrases, and turns of speech, and little silly ways of saying things. It still hurts.)

My readership has dwindled somewhat since the early days of blogging, so I feel like I don't really need to do bit this anymore, but I'm going to anyway:

WARNING: This post contains comments of a highly sexual nature, and moments of TMI. Look away now if you don't want to hear about the depraved cravings of a young woman's mind. In fact, click here.

I'm frustrated, guys. I. NEED. SEX.

This is not good. It's been 75 days since I last got my leg over, and BOY am I feeling the need. I've never gone this long without before. How has that even happened? I lost my virginity when I was 17, and in the last 6 years I've never been more than about three weeks without a shag. That's crazy. And I've still managed to have a minimal amount of partners (five, if you were wondering).

*squirms*

You know the worst part? I could get some. I know two people who would happily scratch my itch for me, and I all I need to do is tell them to do it. And they know it. And they tease me CONSTANTLY.

But I'm going to be good. I'm armed.

*brandishes a pink, sparkly vibrator*

*gets distracted*

meep.

Porn isn't even helping anymore. It's just not... good enough. I'm fussy. I like to see a story from start to finish, with all the flirty bits in there and the touching and the licking and the stroking... *wriggle* and she has to be into it. So many times you watch something and all the girl cares about is the camera. I hate that. I don't care if your face looks weird when you're really enjoying yourself... at least it looks a bit more real.

Oh dear god please, PLEASE let the Badger get this job. Then he can save teh penniez, and can be here, rogering my brains out, by June. JUNE. It's soon, but it's another three months away!!!

I've never wanted to be with one person so much in my whole life, and it's so so so hard to be good when there is so much temptation in the world, but y'know what? He's worth it. He's so worth the wait. He's amazing and gorgeous and deliciously sexy without even being sexy because he just has this air about him that makes me want to... *gets distracted again*

Boy, is it gonna be good.

Brief, but goooooooooooood.

9:03 AM - February 26, 2009 - post comment

I need a new tool. I haven't owned one in years. Lover would have fun with it I thinks. But I much prefer his fingerses....

gypsy - 9:50 AM - February 26, 2009

I hear ya mam, when Styles is gone we have the web cams and we make beautiful use of them*wink*, and I have several toys but after a few months it's just not enough, I want MAN PARTS!!

sarai - 12:55 PM - February 26, 2009

"man parts".

Heheheeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Too funny. Nothing compares. Yes. *sage nod*

gypsy - 1:14 PM - February 26, 2009

to quote Kaylee "we're going on a year now, I ain't had nothin twixt my nethers that weren't run on batteries!"

sarai - 1:45 PM - February 26, 2009

LOL!!

gypsy - 11:04 PM - February 26, 2009

hey! i haven't been around (commenting) in awhile, just making my way back around my old bloggie friends.

sorry to hear you are umm... in need. hope it gets resolved sooooooon!

spaceystacey - 11:17 PM - February 26, 2009

I'm right there with you. I'm seriously considering exercising some bad judgement with the wrong girl if at least a break-even good girl doesn't come along soon.

thebigp - 4:47 AM - February 27, 2009

Wow, I'm really sorry to hear about your plight. If you want we can organise an international fundraiser to buy you one of those 'This Fucker Delivers The Orgasm That Blew Your Brains Out' type products. I think it comes in goth black or puce.

PeriodicallyDemented - 10:59 AM - February 27, 2009

Gypseh: I hear ya, but there are going to be times when he's not in a position to be able to use fingerses... :P

Sarai: Webcams are wonderful, aren't they? And Skype. I love Skype.

*wails* Nooothing compaaaares, nothing compaaares, to your man parts... *ahem* Sinead O'Connor will roll in her grave, once she's dead.

STACEY! *hugs* Thanks doll, at the moment it's looking like October before I can be satiated. It's looking more and more like he didn't get the job.

P: Dude. Be sure before you go there. You know how messy the wrong girl can get.

PD: Wow, I feel priveliged. A visit from the big PeeDee! I think you should definitely start a fund for getting me that product. I'll take the puce one. Big black things 'betwixt me nethers' unnerve me somewhat.

Twist - 12:12 PM - February 27, 2009

Of course I do. Hence why I'm single. I didn't dump the Right girl. I just keep playing with the wrong girl(s).

thebigp - 12:23 AM - February 28, 2009

Perhaps, PD and Twisty, we should start a fund to get the real thing over, rather than a substitute?

engieviral - 12:35 AM - March 9, 2009

Mate, I've spearheaded fundraising for other things that eventually fuck you up, *looks pointedly at efx2* so the Twisty's Nether-Regions Fund is not an un-doable project, particularly if she vlogs it. =]

Twisty? Are yoiu going to get all conditional about it? Unconditional love, Beautiful. It's the key to everything. Apparently.

PeriodicallyDemented - 7:09 AM - March 9, 2009

Conditional? What kind of conditional? *confused*

I don't care how I do it... I just want to get out there. I need to be with him, and not just in a sexual way.

*loved up sigh*

Twist - 7:34 AM - March 9, 2009

Vlogging it.

PeriodicallyDemented - 10:07 AM - March 9, 2009

I think we should get her down here actually, then we can also try and organise an Aussie EFX gathering

engieviral - 6:12 AM - March 11, 2009

Okay, but you're 'down there'. I'm 'up here'. But what's the other side of the continent between friends, right? Once we do the 'Get Twisty to Oz' fundraiser we'll have to start on the 'Get PD to WA' one.

Twisty and Engie, email me. Let's see if there's anything we can do. Seriously.

PeriodicallyDemented - 11:17 AM - March 11, 2009

We're in like a triangly-type thing going on here.

*points in every direction and gets arms tangled*

gypsy - 11:49 AM - March 11, 2009

I always forget where you are, PD... I know Engie's in Perth, Gypsy's in Sydney and I'll be hanging out in Adelaide.

I emailed you back, by the way. I don't know if you're getting my emails or not because you didn't reply to the last one...

*cough* I'm also still confused about the 'conditional?' 'vlogging it' thing. Plain English, please?

Twist - 8:39 AM - March 12, 2009

*still laughing at own slapstick comedy 24 hours later*

gypsy - 9:12 AM - March 12, 2009

*pats Gypsy on the head* There there love.

Twist - 11:39 AM - March 12, 2009

Twisty, got your email. Worst luck. I replied. Sunny Queensland is the PD nation. Perth is still stuck in the 1950s and Sydney is full of weirdos. Gypsy is a conservative example.

PeriodicallyDemented - 11:39 AM - March 12, 2009

Mahaha. Dude I live next door to Newtown. 'Nuff said.

gypsy - 10:41 PM - March 12, 2009

1950's Perth, aye? Perhaps that is why I keep thinking about getting a pipe?

engieviral - 5:25 AM - March 13, 2009

Mate, start with a razor.

PeriodicallyDemented - 9:24 AM - March 13, 2009

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